So close and yet so far
by Claude Amelia Song
Summary: Sometimes trying to help someone who didn't ask for help isn't the best decision. Especially if that someone is Severus Snape. (it will have a sequel sometime...)


**Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.**

Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition

Pride of Portree

Chaser three: Brachiosaurus: Write about a character who's attempt to help ends negatively for the recipient/s.

Optional prompts: 1.(word) ancient

9\. (colour) light grey

13\. (setting) The Forbidden Forest

Words: 2585

Betaed by Heather, Sarah and Oni. Thank you so so much!

* * *

The dusk was fading, giving way to a light grey fog surrounding the Forbidden Forest. There was nobody around, not that they would dare to be there so close to nightfall. Even though the Dark Lord had been declared dead, many still feared being alone after dark; the horror still embedded in their minds. The teachers were in their quarters, and the students were already sleeping in their beds.

Had anyone been looking, two shadows would have been observed entering the Forbidden Forest.

Severus knew it was unwise to go into the forest at night—quite foolish, in fact—something that a Gryffindor would do! Nonetheless, he _had_ to do it. He had been teaching at Hogwarts for two years, ever since the Dark Lord had requested him to become a spy. He hadn't had time to pursue his mastery during the war; Dumbledore had hired him without it. But Severus didn't want to be a mere teacher of potions at Hogwarts. He wanted to be _a Potions Master._ He knew he was the best, but he needed to have a diploma to prove it. He had had many good ideas that could have been used during his time at Hogwarts and after, but since then, a number of them had been done in a similar way by others who wanted their mastery.

Teachers and students alike thought he actually preferred Defense, but that was just an act. The Dark Lord had had a preference for that position. No, Severus's _passion_ was Potions.

He had researched what potion he could invent or reinvent for his mastery. He had decided to brew a new version of an ancient potion he'd found referenced in some very old books. The potion was said to be something akin to Veritaserum but only stronger; and potentially deadly if administered incorrectly. Instead of forcing the truth out of the person, it would make them show the reality of events. The person who drank it had their mind opened like a book and their memories vividly played around them for all to see. You could feel and hear everything that person had experienced. It was like watching a pensive and performing legilimency at the same time; it only required one drop of the potion.

Severus knew that it was dangerous to brew such a potion and bring it into public eye, but it would also be a revolutionary method of interrogation for Aurors, and it would establish him as the best of the best; a Potions Master. He didn't necessarily want the fame or the money, not that they wouldn't be handy; he wanted to be recognised for who he was, for his worth as a person. The potion was ancient, and although many attempts had been made to recreate it for over two thousand years, nobody had succeeded. Severus was planning not only on succeeding, but modifying it as well. He had to modify the potion; otherwise, it could be used against him one day if Dumbledore was correct about the war being far from over and he had to resume spying.

He would need to make it so that he was immune to it. He had a book full of notes, and so far, he had managed to outline the ingredients.

All the ingredients could be found in the Forbidden Forest, which was even older than the potion's origins. People believed that the forest came with the school, but the truth was that it was even more ancient than Hogwarts, and it was home to many more mythical creatures, not only centaurs. Severus knew all of this, and every other night after his patrols he could be found in the depths of the forest where he had built a secret lab in a cave that only Albus knew about. There he kept all his notes and work from the last few years.

Those were the only things that had kept him sane after Lily's death. Even now, his heart still ached and his mind clouded with dark thoughts when he remembered his friend. His sweet Lily. Severus couldn't believe she'd died so soon, that she'd left him. Maybe he would have managed to rekindle their friendship if she had survived. Now he would never know.

He was glad that Albus had granted him at least this, after everything.

Today was the day that would mark the start of the end of his work. He was almost certain that after today he'd have the potion _and the antidote_.

First, though, he had to pick ingredients to brew it.

Severus looked around the forest; it was very beautiful at night. In the moonlight, you could feel its age and see its true beauty. The muted light that surrounded the forest calmed him somehow. It was the air. Everything was calm, at peace. It gave him a sense of safety, and the light gray fog induced a soothing atmosphere. It eased his unsettling worries that something was about to go wrong. He closed off his emotions; everything had to be _perfect_.

And for that to happen, he had to solve a little problem. He stopped abruptly and turned around.

"What are _you_ doing, pray tell? Why are you following me, Miss Thompson? Did you think I wouldn't notice?" Severus asked, the calmness leaving him. He couldn't believe the nerve of the girl! Who did she think she was to follow him around like this?

* * *

Lisa knew it wasn't wise to follow Severus, but she _had to do it._

For months she'd noticed that every other night he went into the forest after sunset, and he came back after midnight. You could call it obsession, but she, Lisa Thompson, loved Severus Snape with everything she had.

But he had never had eyes for anyone else but Lily. She feared that he probably never would.

In her eyes, he was beautiful. He had helped her in their years at Hogwarts. She wasn't Severus' friend, per se; she was just another Gryffindor, and they had started talking after a project in potions. At first, he had been upset at being paired with her, but gradually, they had learned to get along and, eventually, she had fallen for him.

Lisa had never said anything because she knew how much he loved Lily, but that didn't stop her from wishing. Instead, she settled for helping him whenever and wherever she could. Like now. Lisa couldn't stand seeing him so tired and exhausted every day; her only consolation was that he didn't seem as broken as he'd been immediately after Lily's death.

Nevertheless, she was going to help him in whatever he was doing because he must be up to _something_ all those nights in the forest. Severus wasn't the type to just go for a walk for no reason.

The forest always seemed quiet to Lisa, and now, it seemed even more so in the grey light. She ran her hand against the gnarled bark of a tree; it was so old, ancient even, if her books were anything to go by. Everything was dull and dirty, wild and untamed; yet also beautiful.

Suddenly he stopped, and Lisa felt her heart skip.

* * *

"Answer my question!" Severus demanded again; he was at the end of his wits. He had left an experimental version of the potion in stasis, and he needed to get back to it quickly. He couldn't afford any distractions or lateness. It was crucial for him to be on time.

She looked at him, not knowing what to say, but she knew she had to say something quickly if she didn't want to anger him further.

"I wanted to see what you are doing, to help you," she said with such sincerity in her eyes that he hesitated. It didn't change the fact that she was here and that she had followed him, but it chastened his anger somewhat.

"Why?" he asked again, trying to find some calm. He didn't know what to do, what to say. She _was_ trustworthy, and he did need a test subject other than Albus. The old man had volunteered, but Severus didn't want to see the inside of his head very much. Not that he wanted to see Lisa's either. But she might be a better candidate…

"Because…" ' _He really doesn't know_ , she realised _. He doesn't know that I love him.' A_ nd no matter how much she longed to say the truth, she couldn't. "Because I noticed your treks into the forest—I couldn't help but notice—and I figured you must be doing something important, so I wanted to help you. I didn't say anything because I didn't know how," she finished lamely.

Severus looked at her; she was hiding something, but he didn't have the time to question it.

"You're at Hogwarts to work as an apprentice to Filius, not to help me, Miss Thompson. You should go and leave me alone. Now."

Lisa sighed. She'd known this would happen, but she still had to try.

"Why must you insist on calling me Miss Thompson? Aren't we the same age, Severus? You aren't my teacher. And while it's true I'm Professor Flitwick's apprentice, that doesn't mean that I cannot help you. It is my wish to do so in my free time. So please, if you do not want me here, find another excuse. But I think you do need help. Look at you! You're exhausted and always grumpy and troubled. You've made your students cry more than usual. Let me help you," she said, putting a hand on his arm.

Severus checked his watch and turned quickly with a short nod. Lisa followed him, struggling to match his steps.

* * *

To his surprise, Lisa was very happy to follow Severus deeper into the woods despite not knowing why. He didn't know why she trusted that nothing was going to happen to her; that he was not going to hurt her.

Severus didn't know what exactly to do now. He had allowed her to join him—well, he hadn't stopped her? He hadn't even brought Albus to his secret lab yet, but he was going to bring _her_.

Lisa Thompson had been a stubborn, pushy Gryffindor much like Lily—and quite sought after, too—but she never looked at any of the boys twice. Severus never understood why. He supposed she could be classified as one of his only remaining friends, as much as he had friends. He knew she was good at potions; she could prove a worthy assistant. Still, he felt that he had to do it alone; it was, after all, for _his_ mastery.

* * *

Lisa couldn't believe her eyes! He had build a potions lab inside the Forbidden Forest that was—she had no words. She noticed several cauldrons filled with liquid of different ranges of greys in stasis, from light grey to black.

"What—" she started to say, but the words died on her lips when she saw how concentrated he looked, watching them and scribbling something in a notebook.

"I need to gather some ingredients; do NOT touch anything...please!" he said and rushed toward the exit.

* * *

Severus didn't exactly want to leave Lisa with his potions unattended, but he had arrived later thanks to her, and the potions had reached the colour described in the book. The next step required freshly gathered ingredients from the forest.

He hoped she would not touch anything; he had even said _please_!

* * *

Once he left, Lisa didn't know what to do, but she desperately wanted to help him. He was obviously brewing potions in secret, and she was good at brewing potions as well, even if her apprenticeship was in Charms.

Lisa moved forward to observe the cauldrons. There were ten of them, and one of them was very black. She assumed that that one was ready to be taken and used. Severus had left his notebook there. Lisa decided to check what was there and see if there were any instructions.

She grabbed the notebook and moved closer to the caudron to study it. She must have brushed against something else as she did so, disturbing a balance more delicate than any she had encountered before. It happened so quickly that she didn't have time to react; there was a soft metallic noise and then the cauldron exploded, spilling light gray sludge all over the place. She watched as the notes in her hands burned to ash.

* * *

Severus appeared in the doorway with his arms full of ingredients just as the explosion went off. His face contorted first in fear and horror, then anger—anger towards her.

He couldn't believe it; all his work….his notes, his potions...everything was gone. His mastery… He saw red.

"What did you _do_ , you incompetent fool! I told you not to move! I told you not to touch anything! Are you bent on ruining me?! You destroyed everything; you ruined everything! _Everything_!"

Lisa stared at him. She shook with shock and there were tears in her eyes from both the pain in her heart and the angry welts that covered her hands and arms.

"I knew that I shouldn't have allowed you to try to help me! I was fine on my own! I never should have allowed you to come with me! You _always_ ruin everything!" he shouted, slamming his fist on the table, and breaking some more glass in the process.

"Severus, I didn't mean to…"

"Didn't mean to what? It still happened, and it's your fault!" he shouted.

"I just wanted to help you! I didn't mean for anything bad to happen! I just….I did it because I care!" She sank to the floor with tears pouring down her cheeks.

"Oh, she _cares_ about me, does she? Well, you have quite a funny way of showing it!" he mocked her, merciless.

"Yes, I do! I...I love you!" she blurted out before she could stop herself. She knew it was a mistake, but she couldn't take it back now.

"Oh, you _love_ me? Is that why you're always trying to ruin my life? You disgust me! Get out! Out!"

"But…"

"OUT!"

Blinded by grief and pain, Lisa ran, disappearing into the forest.

* * *

Severus sank to the floor and tried to siphon potion off of what remained of his notebooks. The majority of them weren't salvageable. That stupid little…

It may have been all her fault, but now that he was alone, guilt seeped in. The forest could be dangerous at night. No matter how angry he was, he didn't wish her actual harm. And yet, she deserved it. It wasn't his fault that she didn't listen. He wasn't about to just forgive and forget.

He was somewhat relieved when he received an owl from Poppy Pomfrey asking him to bring up some more burn cream at his earliest convenience. Lisa had made it back to the castle, it seemed.

 _Five hours later..._

Severus stood peering through the curtain at Lisa's sleeping form. She had bandages and wrappings all up her arms and on her neck and moaned fitfully in her sleep. Severus knew he should leave, but his guilty conscience wouldn't let him until he saw that she was alright. He'd never known that she'd felt so strongly about him, but he figured it was too late for any of it to matter. How could it, after what had happened?

He saw her stir, her eyes opening, and backed away into the shadows so he would not be seen. It was better this way.


End file.
